Risking It All

I’m not a risk taker by nature.  I’m not necessarily a rule follower, either.  I fall somewhere in the middle of staying safe and comfortable, and living life on the constant edge of a cliff (imagine me a few hundred feet away from the edge, talking about walking to the edge).  That’s me.  And in my relationship with God – well, let me take a few hundred more feet away from that edge, and maybe go ahead and put some weights on me.   I like my comfort, and I like to look normal to the rest of the world.

Almost eight months ago, God began to call me out of a safe and complacent relationship with Him, into a walk that looks and sounds crazy to almost anyone who sees it being lived out.  It looked and sounded crazy to me.  I questioned it, I sought out council from those in my life who knew me well, from those who I consider to be well advanced in their relationships with the Lord.  And much to my dismay, they all encouraged me that if I felt like God was asking me to live outside my comfort zone, to do things that may look downright crazy – do it.  So I did.  It was a stirring so deep, so strong, that I knew I couldn’t not follow it.  I’ve looked like a fool to people I know very well, all the way down to total strangers.  An entire neighborhood of total strangers, actually.  And as this relationship with God deepens, so does my heart, and my eyes for His story.

I’ve realized in these past eight months that I’ve been telling Jesus that I trust Him, but I’ve been paralyzed by the “what if’s,” more specifically, an “even if.”  That even if I trust the Lord, trust that His promises for me are true, that He does indeed fulfill them (which I fully believe He will),  the bottom will still fall out, that I can’t do anything about it.  And I’ve realized that I’m not truly trusting Him and surrendering everything to Him if I’m afraid He’ll abandon me in the “even if.”

There have been events in the past few weeks that have brought all of my fears of the “even if” into a very real light.  I’ve watched worlds fall apart in the very same way my fears have always imagined my own life could hold.  And I’ve had thoughts of my own continuing fear of the “even if.”  And here’s where my heart is – God is good.  He is worth the risk, even if.  He holds my life in His hands, and I will trust in His faithfulness and His truth.  I’ve found myself through my prayer times the last few nights singing a line from an old Charlie Hall song.  I didn’t put much thought into it until last night, when I realized that even though I’m watching these events play out, my heart is ever more focused on God, and my prayers are that I am continually seeing Him before all else.

Christ be the center of our lives
Be the place we fix our eyes
Be the center of our lives

He may call me to do some things that sound and look crazier than walking around a neighborhood that’s not my own to pray for a specific person who lives there.   I’d rather look like a fool to follow His leading and be obedient, than to not follow Him and miss out on all that He has for me.  I’m willing to risk my reputation and visible sanity to have my eyes see the Lord before I see any other person or situation.  To not only shed the weights that hold me back, but to step up to the edge of that cliff, and take a step, trusting that as I step out in faith, God’s got me.  Even in the even if.