So I’ve been in a whirlwind season the last month or so. Preparing to head back to South Africa is only a small part – I’ve been in the application and interview process for a new position in my school district, as well as packing up my entire classroom, traveling to see family, and beginning summer school. To say things have been crazy wouldn’t quite do justice to life lately.
However, through it all, one thought has continued to remain steadfast: the Lord is my Shepherd. He truly has provided all that I need, in absolutely mind blowing ways. I’m finding that trusting Him to provide is coming so much more naturally, and when faced with a need in whatever capacity, my automatic response has become “the Lord will provide.” It’s taken a LOT of work to get to this place, it definitely hasn’t been easy. But being here, knowing, trusting – it’s just so good. And I’ve seen beautiful things happening because of it. As I was reflecting on this last night, I just couldn’t help but be completely blown away by the faithfulness of God.
I’ve realized that the key to all of this is simply by living one day at a time. Trusting that for today, God is going to provide all I need. I tend to get caught up in the bigger picture – in the tomorrow and the next week and the next year – and I lose sight of what He’s doing right now, today. I’ve come to realize that if something I had hoped or prayed for didn’t happen today, then it wasn’t something I needed today. And that has radically shifted my perspective and expectations. It has set me free. Free from being held down by disappointment and broken hopes and denied dreams.
As I sit here, I see that no dreams have been denied, rather deferred. God hasn’t spoken that my dreams won’t come true, rather, that in His timing, in His way, they will. And they will be most honoring to Him. This is most evidenced right now by my new job. It’s a job I wanted when I started in education. And as I sit here, ten years later, preparing to begin this new position, I realized that if I had it ten years ago, I would have failed at it. Miserably. I didn’t know then what I do now, I hadn’t been fully made ready for it. And it makes me grateful that there are some things I haven’t yet been given, because I know the time between is making me even more ready (this doesn’t mean that it makes some days any easier. It doesn’t. Some days just totally suck. But hope remains. Always, hope). When things are just right, each part of His plan will continue to unfold.
The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. {Psalm 23}
by grace alone 